I bet you one Euro, or one Sterling Pound, or one American Dollar, that you are probably thinking:
“What the… Zombies in Spain mugging people? Sure, David”.
But, hey, these zombies are not like the ones you know from movies. These zombies don’t eat human flesh. These zombies are not stinky, rotten corpses.
Zombies in Spain don’t wear ragged and shabby clothes, all stained by dust, mud, and their victims’ blood.
Flesh Eaters Vs Pickpocket Zombies
In a nutshell, they are two zombie species with a lot in common, except the food they eat.
Both the flesh eaters from movies and those of the non-flesh eating variety of zombie in Spain are wandering around with no destiny, dragging feet and looking for victims.
The main difference is that eaters go crazy for a piece of human flesh, and our zombies will go nuts as soon as they notice an opportunity to mug you.
Zombies in Spain are crooks, low-class pickpockets looking for cash and objects they can quickly sell on the black market (iPhone, iPad, laptops, chains, bracelets, etc).
To blend into crowds, zombies in Spain could even wear smart casual attire and have a similar hair style to yours.
But one thing is true: they’ll move around in such a silent way so as not to get discovered.
And you are the perfect target.
Let me explain.
(Looks like this fella could be a nice pickpocket and a brain eater)
Safety in Spain: 7 Reasons Why You’ll Get Mugged by Zombies
Reason #1: You look like a foreigner
Yes, you do. And zombies love foreigners, both residents and tourists.
Google the following sentence: Spanish people.
Do you look like the Spaniards? You probably don’t, as I wouldn’t look local if I were visiting China or Japan.
All right, let’s say you look Spanish regardless of where you are from. Reason #2 will tell zombies that you are a foreigner and, therefore, a vulnerable victim.
(Zombie love is eternal in Spain)
Reason # 2: You are dressed like a foreigner
The best way to confirm this is by observing Spanish people of your age.
Go into a supermarket, or a restaurant, or just sit down on a park bench and look at what sort of clothing the Spanish wear.
Is it the same style as yours? I don’t think so, as fashion and clothing tendencies differ from one country to another.
Your attire for zombies is like being in the forest, in the middle of the night, having a deer in front of them using thermal imaging goggles.
Reason # 3: You don’t speak Spanish
I know you can say “hola”, “¿qué tal?” and “buenos días”.
When somebody asks: “¿hablas español?”, you answer: “un poco”.
You feel so proud, right?
Sorry to tell you the truth: knowing a few words in Spanish means you know nothing.
Nothing = 0%.
Nichts. Rien. Nada.
So let’s face it: You don’t speak Spanish whatsoever.
Zombies take advantage of foreigners because the reaction time is overall much slower for somebody who does not speak the language.
I don’t mean the reaction of noticing that somebody is stealing from you, or whether your iPhone or iPad are missing; but rather to call 112 or go to the police station to report the theft.
Reason # 4: Your body and facial expression will betray you
Here is another exercise for you.
Take a glance at the Spaniards while you are shopping and observe, for instance, that they:
- Don’t smile at each other.
- Don’t say hi to strangers.
- Don’t make allowances if you are about to unwittingly bump into somebody.
- Speak quite loudly and with their hands.
Chances are you don’t do any of these ‘cultural’ things, so you are obviously a foreigner.
Even if you look Spanish, speak Spanish, and dress like the Spanish, you make body and facial expressions from your country.
And guess who has got a radar to identify foreigners by their facial and body expressions…
Hint: starts with “Z” 😉
(Not much to steal here, but this sign would be pretty useful in Spain)
Reason # 5. You think you’re still at home
You are not at home anymore.
You are in Spain, a foreign country.
And zombies know the territory much better than you. They are watching you without you noticing.
You don’t know which zombie will steal your wallet because zombies are hard to identify.
Neither do zombies use amusement park lights to warn you they are coming.
So change that innocent attitude.
Whether you are on the beach, drinking some beers, visiting a museum, shopping, taking pictures of monuments… keep an eye on yourself and be aware of those around you.
Zombies in Spain are smart beings, always stalking their victims, and will give it a try as soon as you give them an opportunity.
Reason # 6: You underestimate the crowds
Remember: Zombies can be anywhere, but most likely where they can choose from a bigger pool of potential “victims”.
Would it make sense seeing a bunch of zombies sneaking around the Sahara desert? Nope, unless they want to steal a camel to resell it somewhere else.
Bus stops, underground trains, public transportation in general, bars, restaurants, busy streets, concerts, street shows, are some of the highest concentration points for zombies.
You get mugged.
(This pack of crazy, noisy zombies would never be good pickpockets in Spain)
Reason # 7: You don’t look after your own stuff
Let’s see, if you don’t keep an eye on all your own things, who’s going to do it then?
I already spoke about something similar in my article, Practical Safety Tips in Spain, but I’ll go over some of those tips mentioned.
Here are some of the main zombie-magnets:
- A bag not secured.
- An open bag or back-pack.
- Wallets visibly showing out of pockets (like the image below).
- Smartphones and tablets on the table at bars or restaurants.
- Bags hanging on the back of your seat.
- Personal belongings left unattended at the beach.
- Withdrawing cash from machines at lonely places.
Doing any of the above would be like putting a 50 lb steak a few yards away from famished leopards.
(Somebody is clearly determined to lose his wallet)
Spain is quite a safe country in the sense of physical aggression, robbery, kidnapping or shootings.
You just have to watch out for the silent zombies (pickpockets in general).
But don’t get me wrong, Spain is not a country packed with zombies.
Zombies can be anywhere, wandering and looking for victims. However, the likelihood of seeing them in small towns or villages is pretty low. After all, everybody knows everybody in tight-knit communities.
Tourists are usually the best target because of the vulnerabilities caused by not knowing the language as well as being unfamiliar with the area, plus distractions such as those I described before.
Enjoy your trip or your permanent stay in Spain, but don’t be naïve. Otherwise, you may get ‘bitten’ by a zombie.
By the way, having said that, have you ever been ‘bitten’ by a zombie in Spain? Please, write a comment below and share your story with me!
Note: This article is one of the winners of the “Serious Bloggers Only” Summer Contest 2015, within the “Most Practical” category… wow, I’ve won my first writing competition in English! (First one ever by the way, as I’ve never won anything writing in Spanish ).
Take a look to the compilation of categories and winners:
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